I hate taking hand outs from people. It makes me feel like I'm the bottom of the financial totem pole, the scum of the earth. I remember how the kids in elementary school that stood in the "free lunch" line wouldn't make eye contact with us kids in the other line. Even at that age we all knew it was a bad thing to need help. There are some people who do it with no shame, though, and I guess that might be slighter lower on the scum scale. So I might be in 2nd to last place right now. Doesn't make me feel much better. I still can't help but imagine myself 5 years from now standing outside a trailer (the short shiny kind with the hitch still on the front), wearing an old wife-beater without a bra. I have a toddler on my hip who is wearing nothing but a dirty diaper and a peanut butter sandwich smashed on his face. I have a Miller High Life in one hand, a cigarette dangling from my mouth and a pregnant belly exposed over my cutoff shorts. A beat-up truck with testicles hanging off the back bumper and a rebel flag in the window is parked right on the grass. And there's Brian in his "I'm With Stupid" T-shirt trying to set our trash on fire. *shudder* It's an awful sight, I tell ya. Of course it would never happen like that because I would never ever fly a rebel flag and I don't even really like beer. But it's still scary.
That being said, we have accepted a LOT of help these last few weeks from a LOT of people. We have groceries, gas money, all my medications, blankets, winter coats, a Christmas tree with 100 ornaments, lights, a tree-topper and garland and even a shovel for the snow! Everyone kind of pitched in. And even though I am ashamed that it happened, I'm also thankful that I was blessed with such generous family and friends. Even though it seems like I'm on a straight path to mediocrity, I do hope to stay away from that trailer and do enough with my life to give it all back to you!