The Bright Side

A couple of months ago when I was researching baby gear I came across a website that described, in great detail, the postpartum experience. Check out this care kit at Amazon. The inner tube pillow is so you can sit down without hurting all of the hemorrhoids you developed during pushing. The tucks pads and Dermaplast spray are to sooth the wound you got when you ripped open from end to end. The peri bottle and sitz bath are to clean that rip. The site also recommended getting Depends for women because there would be "more blood than you've ever seen in your life" and most women also lose control of their bladder for a little while. I was in shock! I went to a few more sites to verify this woman's claims and saw that another woman described her undercarriage as resembling hamburger meat!!! Let's just say I didn't sleep for about 2 days after reading this.

There are like 10 kids between my BFFs and none of them EVER mentioned ANY of this. I felt incredibly naive for being so surprised. I imagined there might be a little blood but not enough to require a 6-week supply of adult diapers! And losing control of your bladder?!? Needing to sit on a doughnut pillow?!? One new mom even recommended lacing your Depends with witch hazel and sticking them into the freezer!

And this is why I'm looking on the bright side of the C-section. Don't get me wrong. I'm very, very afraid of surgery. Being cut open and sewed or stapled shut is frightening! But when you think about it, I was going to be ripped open and sewed shut either way. It's just in a different area is all.

And what is this labor experience so important for anyway? If I want to put my hair back in a headband and get all sweaty I can go to the gym. I can buy my own birthing ball and bounce around in my living room if it means that much to me. Jacuzzi tubs are probably overrated. And I'm definitely not an ice-chewer! I don't need labor!

So here's my Bright Side list: Why C-Sections Aren't So Bad

*No hemorrhoids from pushing
*No burning when I pee
*No losing control of my bladder
*No "hamburger meat"
*No pains from labor
*No conehead baby
*I have an excuse to buy some cute summer dresses that won't irritate my incision
*I don't have to worry about baby getting stuck during his decent, losing oxygen and developing any number of problems as a result

And one more thing. My doctors were intending on inducing me. Inductions are notorious for resulting in an emergency c-section. Emergency c-sections are rushed and panic-y and scary. And how much would it suck to have gone through 12 hours of painful labor and had this baby get halfway through the birth canal (OUCH!) just to have to be cut open in the abdomen anyway? That's double the pain, double the recovery and a whole bunch of trauma. So I'm glad to know that I'm not going to be one of those poor unlucky moms.

I've had a few days to adjust to the idea and I've accepted my fate. If baby turns around, that's cool, I've got my headband ready. But if he doesn't, that's fine, too. Either way I get to meet my baby boy.

Oh, and as for hanging upside down off the bed, standing on my head in a swimming pool or paying for someone to light incense at my feet, I'm not going to do all that. I'm just going to let what's meant to be...be.