Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Bump on a Blog

When I lost my first baby I had at least 6 pregnant "friends" on my FB and I ended up having to hide some of them from my newsfeed because every post was a pregnancy complaint. Not only did it re-break my heart every time it happened, but it also made me angry. Why were they blessed with a child they didn't appreciate when mine was taken away? I wanted to scream at them, "Don't you know how lucky you are?" Sometimes I did remind them that they were lucky and they would tell me to "just wait" until I was pregnant and I'd be complaining, too.

Well here I am, about 50 hours away from the end of my pregnancy to report my progress. I have yet to publicly complain about any physical symptoms and I know everyone is on the edge of their seats dying to know the truth. Was it really that easy and painless? Was I bluffing to save face? Or was I censoring myself to spare the feelings of others who may have lost children?

And the answer - It really was that easy. I might have been put through the emotional garbage disposal every time I turned another corner but as for all of the horrible dreadful things pregnancy does to a woman's body, it just didn't happen to me. I had one day of morning sickness, only mild sporadic cramping, no stretch marks or itchy skin, no carpal tunnel, no braxton hicks, no swelling, no digestion problems, no getting up every hour to pee. I am going to have a baby in 2 days and I still don't know what a contraction feels like. Aside from my dehydration episodes which only lasted as long as it took to swallow some Gatorade, I've been just peachy.

Just so all the hormonal pregnant people who aren't as lucky as I was don't come chasing after me with baseball bats, I'll admit that these last few weeks have had their challenges. It really feels like there's a bowling ball between my legs which makes the inside of my thighs very sore, so sore that trying to put on a pair of pants can bring me to tears. And every time I shift in bed, even just a centimeter, lightening bolts of pain shoot down my thighs. Turning over in bed has become similar to ripping off a band-aid. Every teeny tiny move hurts like hell but I just can't seem to do it quickly. Turning over now requires a strategy!

Also, there is another human being inside of me taking up a lot of space. You know that feeling you get after Thanksgiving dinner where you think if only you could unbutton your pants you'd feel so much better? Well that is what pregnancy feels like, except you don't have any pants on (because it hurt too much to put them on, remember?)

Oh, and one more thing - I have a skull chilling out right under my rib cage. Which means it's a real beyatch to bend over, even the slightest bit forward. I can live without polish on my toes and a little bit of stubble on my ankles won't hurt anyone and the Cocoa Pebbles I dropped on the carpet yesterday, I'm sure the cats got em. But there is something else that requires bending forward slightly, something that happens in the bathroom about 12 times a day and it's non-negotiable. It hurts bad enough that I do sometimes whine or scream and once I was even desperate enough to ask for help (no, he didn't).

Like I said, I was fine until a few weeks ago and what is a few weeks of discomfort in exchange for another human life? I don't know how I would have felt if I hadn't lost that first baby. Maybe I would have been a Facebook complainer, too. But knowing how lucky I am to have this baby in me makes it a lot easier to deal with the pain when it does happen. Because I know I'm exchanging it for something amazing!!!! And I hope I can remember that during my c-section!

I really loved being pregnant and that is the truth; no bluffing, no censoring. I especially love my baby bump! It tells the world that I am building a baby in there and that makes me feel special and important. And it's a wonderful feeling to not have to suck it in. And being able to wear tight shirts for the first time in my life! I'm very proud of the fact that my belly enters a room about five seconds before the rest of my body (I walk a little slow these days). That was one of the things that upset me the most about bedrest, was not being able to show off my bump. It's a real shame that in 2 days I'll be expected to suck it in again. So I decided to make the best out of this 90 degree fluke of a day in Northern Michigan and I took my bump to the streets....and the lake...and even a BBQ.

I know I'm supposed to be on bedrest but I figure if I made it 8 weeks, I can act like a semi-normal person for 2 days, right? So here it is, my Bump on a Blog. My bump, my bump, my lovely baby bump. I sure will miss it when it's gone but I can't wait to meet the little boy that's coming out of it!


EcoGothMom said...

What an absolutely beautiful way to feel about your pregnancy. A bit jealousy pops out of me but I am so happy for you. I know that losing a child is never easy and the pain never goes away. The joy you will feel over your LO on the way will only make you that much stronger.

As for the cereal, I hope the cats did vaccuum it up for you.

Gen said...

You are a wonderful writer Jodster! I have really loved following your pregnancy along via your blog. You have a big big heart so lucky to have you as my friend!