Wednesday, August 3, 2011

When I Have Kids, I Will Never...

I know every childless person has this list. Even if they never intended on having kids, they still have a list of all the things they would never do if they did.

It starts when they are little and their parents do something terrible to them, like take away their allowance because they didn't finish their chores. "When I have kids I will NEVER do that!" they scream, as they run into their bedroom and slam the door.

Once they get into high school and all of their friends start having kids the list gets longer. They sit back and observe all these parents make all these mistakes, all the while making a note on their mental checklist. Some of them go one step above and actually say it out loud. I don't think I was ever that obnoxious. But I did have a list.

Now that I'm no longer childless I have started a new list. It's called "All The Things I Swore I'd Never Do That I Ended Up Doing." I know the list will grow but this is what I have so far.

1. I will never spit on my kid's face.

I believe it was day 3 when I broke this rule. Ian had something on his face so I licked my finger and wiped it off. I felt bad when I realized what I'd done. I always hated this when I was younger. I'm going to try really hard to use face wipes instead!

2. I will never use baby talk.

I know that babies learn to speak by listening to others and I know they will copy the sounds they hear so I understand how important it is that they learn to speak properly. Besides that, baby talk is super annoying. But I have caught myself telling him I wuv him a few times.

3. I will never have one of those babies who have to be held all the time.

I'm not sure if I made a mistake here or if he was just born this way, but he likes attention. He will sit in his bouncer, swing or on a blanket for maybe 5 minutes before he starts to scream. And all it takes to stop the screaming is to pick him up and love on him. So that's what I do. People tell me he is spoiled but I don't care. I didn't try to conceive for 2 years, go through 37 weeks and 6 days of pregnancy including 8 weeks of bedrest just to have a baby so I could sit here and watch him cry! WTH? And what is the point of that anyway? Am I supposed to be teaching him a lesson that the world is cruel and he's on his own? No way. Spoiled or not, my baby is never going to feel alone and unloved as long as I can help it.

4. I will never sleep with my baby.

This one is definitely my mistake. I'm ashamed of myself because I actually know someone who rolled over and smothered her baby and I have always gotten on my friends' cases for doing this. It didn't start off this way. He started off in a bassinet on Brian's side of the bed because it didn't fit on my side. When he woke up in the middle of the night I would change him, feed him, and put him back in the bassinet. I would stand there and stare at him for a few minutes to make sure he was sleeping, all the while wondering if I would literally pass out and hoping that if I did I would fall into the bed and not into the mirror on the wall. Once I thought he was in a deep sleep I'd get back into bed and try to get comfortable which is no easy task for someone who just had abdominal surgery and I swear as soon as I was comfortable he was awake and crying again. I tried swaddling and that worked well until summer finally kicked in up here. Even though I have the lightest swaddling blankets they are still too heavy when it's 95 and we have no air conditioning! We tried the sleep machine and that helped put him to sleep but didn't help keep him asleep. So after a few weeks of exhaustion I gave up and took the easy way out. I put him in bed next to me and he slept for 5.5 hours straight. I woke up, saw that it was light outside, and panicked thinking I'd killed him but no, there he was, his cute little face smiling at me in his sleep...and I was hooked. People say this is a hard habit to break the babies of but I think it's harder to break the parents. I woke up this morning and Ian was lying next to me ON HIS STOMACH! I flipped out. Babies can die from that. So I know I need to move him to the crib because it's a firmer mattress and Brian is going to move the crib into our room. I just can't imagine having him in his crib in the nursery at the other end of the house. I would seriously have a panic attack.

P.S. I did some research on safe co-sleeping and we take every precaution to keep him safe. I would also like to point out that the risk of SIDS is NOT higher when babies are in bed with parents. SIDS is when babies die from an unknown reason. A baby being smothered by parents or bedding is not an unknown reason.

Here's the remnants of the previous list. It'll be interesting to see how many of them get broken.

* I will never take my child in public in only his underwear (this includes diapers)
* I will NOT under any circumstances have a "screamer." I understand screaming at the playground or Chuck E Cheese but random screaming every 5 minutes WILL NOT HAPPEN!
* My child will not drink soda except on very special occasions.
* I will not ever appear drunk in front of my children.
* When we go out to eat I will bring my own entertainment for my kids, not expect the server to provide it and then complain to them that the kids are getting restless because they are starving and the food is taking so long. If the kids are restless that is YOUR fault, not mine! And if you wanted fast food you should have gone to a fast food restaurant! Oh, sorry, didn't mean for that to turn into a rant, lol.
* My kids will not use pacifiers past 6 months of age. BTW, Ian doesn't use a pacifier yet. I'm thinking about giving him one at night because it's safer but one thing I can't stand is seeing a toddler walking and talking and sucking on a pacifier.

Oh, and for all who don't see pics of Ian on FB almost everyday...here he is!