I wasn't excited to go back. I was enjoying my lazy days with Ian and I wasn't 100% sure that I was healed enough. And even a perfectly healthy me is afraid of that place sometimes! But there are only 3.5 months left of the season and I needed to start making money! They added me to the schedule for Monday but the boss called Sunday, said they were shorthanded and asked me if I could be there in an hour. It was perfect because I didn't have time to be nervous! I realized after the first few hours that nothing was hurting. I actually felt better being up and active than I had being a lump at home! Plus I was making money for my family which made me feel more worthy as a person.
Now that I've finished my first week my feet hurt worse than ever before in my life but otherwise I'm feeling good. Can't say that I'm looking good though. I didn't spend a lot of time looking in mirrors for the last 8 months but now that I'm back to work I try to look presentable. I was getting ready the other day and noticed that I had two ginormous zits on my chin, a mustache and a beard. I thought to myself, geez, if only I could grow some sideburns I could totally max out my self-esteem. Thank you, Ian, for the hormones! I told Brian how disgusting I felt and he said not to worry, that pretty soon we'll be able to afford laser hair removal, Proactive and a gym membership (so I can get rid of this baby bump because it's not very cool to walk around with a baby bump when there's no longer a baby in it).
I guess you can say that we have high hopes for the future just like we did last summer. I don't know if it's going to work out this year or not. It certainly didn't work out last year. But we do have potential...and hope.
It's nice to be able to look at the future with anticipation and excitement rather than dread or indifference or fear. I don't know if we'll ever reach success or if we'll always feel like our car is stuck in the mud. But we corrected the mistakes we made last summer, we have a plan and we're working towards it together. I don't know which square we're going to land on next, but we're cruising across the board on the Game of Life with a baby blue peg in the backseat of the car and right now that's enough.
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